Bully (for) Bikers

So, I’ve been mulling over whether to write this, wanting to give the fellow involved the benefit of the doubt. Recognizing it is entirely possible he is new to cycling and didn’t comprehend the faux pas he made, there was no need to get him into trouble with the Brotherhood of Bicyclists (BoB). You see, he was polite – acknowledged he was cutting in front. I know, I know. It was unexpected. He probably is unaware of how he so terrifically violated BoB’s rules.

However, another interaction with a cyclist – more on that to come – led me to pen this piece. First, a disclaimer: what follows is not about those with baskets on their bike or who are spotted toddling along behind children.

It is entirely possible my passionate aversion to BoB is unfair to the majority of the members. But that doesn’t change my aversion (as it is mine), which begins with the clothes.

As a fan of footie and regular viewer of the Spengler Cup, I appreciate that advertising on jerseys is a regular occurrence in Europe. I myself have more than one Manchester United jersey, which comes out and on while watching a match. It doesn’t come out, however, when hitting the pitch – as I’ve never actually played for Man U. So zipping around the Galloping Goose dressed like a star of the tour seems odd to me – unless you really are Ryder Hesjedal.

As a driver, BoB can be extremely frustrating. No, you don’t have the right to drive six abroad and then use the Senior Trudeau Salute as folks try to pass you. For some reason, BoB believes that Sue Storm is along for the ride and providing them with a magical force field that protects them from things like gravity and subsequent collision with the earth.

Also in this category is the very real sense that BoB doesn’t believe the rules of the road apply to them; that speeding in spandex exempts you from obeying things like stop lights and conceding right of way.

The interaction that spurred this rant into reality was with a cyclist while I was walking. The light turned green, I began walking and the cyclist raced through the light and a meeting was just averted. Under my breath, I muttered it was a red light – her response was ‘I know.’

That sense of entitlement to road ownership by BoB is largely what drives the antipathy towards the collective. Yes, I’m sure some are nice. But when BoB congeals as a mob, they are as scary and one-minded as the Borg and seek to destroy.

Victoria Mayor Lisa Helps has been big on bike lanes, even joining in a little video to encourage people to support the idea. Now, usually, I am not a fan of them. But I have reconsidered – BoB definitely needs an opportunity to travel their own road, safely and free from interference of others. And that’s where they should stay and only there.

Just like the Stanley Park walkway, we could make the Goose safe for walkers, strollers and runners. BoB gets their lane, everyone else gets their own.

One final annoyance: these new lights that some BoBs are sporting – no matter the time of day – that continuously flash. They’re the most gawdful invention and inspire me to want to commit an act of violence and rip them off the bike as it goes by. It’s daylight. Everyone can see you. Stop the flashing, please.