Being a Zen Leafs fan…

There was a time, back when I was regularly polluting my body with cigarettes (folks christened it Shane-smoking), that a very large drugstore chain instituted a policy that everyone wanting to purchase a deck had to show proof of age. One time, this blue-haired lady, resting on her walker, was digging into her purse looking for ID; which seemed stupid to me. When it was my time, I simply said: I was alive the last time the Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup. The smokes were quickly handed over, no ID required.

To be precise, I was exactly 17-months-old when Johnny Bower got his name engraved on the Cup for the last time and possess no firm memories of the mug being hoisted. Since then, I’ve suffered through watching the Leafs in black and white, having Harold Ballard as an owner, being tantalizing close to victory and then, let’s call it, a drought.

Through all of that, I’ve remained loyal to Leafs Nation. One of my prized memories was eating in an Orillia diner and my dad spotting Brian Glennie and we got his autograph (he was no Salming, but, boy, he could deliver a devastating hip check). Now there is a glimmer of hope… real hope, for the first in a generation. And my advice to all Leafs fans… stay calm and let the kids play.

Because what would be horrible is to turn into a Red Sox fan.

There was a time when it was easy to associate with Red Sox fans. A strong, proud franchise who couldn’t win and then they had to win. Subsequently they turned into, sadly, Yankee fans.  It would be tragic to follow that path.

Now, I fully understand the journey from frustration to passion. Mention the words ‘Kerry Fraser’ and I will still become enraged, yelling ‘I hate that guy’ at a volume higher than required. That memory is indelibly burned into my mind – I’m sure we can all agree that Wayne Gretzky should have been in the box for drawing blood but I can’t let it go almost 25 years later.

For the most part, however, as a Leafs fan I like to make the crack about the franchise’s futility first, just to get it out of the way. But the past two years have been odd, a concerted effort not to gloat required.

Last season, as fans of Canadian teams bemoaned the on ice products, there was a calm amongst those who back the Buds. We reveled in each loss, got wary with the occasional win and erupted that day when the number one pick panel revealed a Maple Leaf. It seemed the Shanaplan was working. First a new coach, then shipping off expensive parts that weren’t working, followed by true tanking – all part of a design that has worked out.

This year has been exciting and full of accompanying dangerous stretches for fans.  Matthews, Marner, Nylander, Reilly and crew – they don’t win them all but they are undoubtedly one of the most exciting teams in the NHL and that means Leafs fans are in danger of becoming smug. Or a Red Sox fan.

So seven tips to keeping your zen:

• Don’t be to insufferable (as a Leafs fan, others will already consider you insufferable so it’s really a matter of not raising the annoyance level)
• Accept others have unhealthy hatred for Leafs, as such they will not enjoy the success (unlike the Winnipeg Jets, where everyone would go ‘awww, isn’t that nice, they deserve to win’)
• Don’t plan a parade route, even in your dreams.
• At important moments, you get one fist pump and shout. Then, silence. Let the play speak for itself.
• Never forget the pain. The putrid years, the seasons of hope, there’s always next year. Well, next year isn’t quite here, so let’s not jinx it.
• Don’t be an ass. Just enjoy and exult in the moment.
• Pray every night for Mike Babcock’s good health.