Turning two, again

Recovery has a language unique to the process but it also shares some nomenclature with child development. As such, I feel like I’m entering the terrible twos.

When a baby is born, development is measured in days, then months and at two the ruler changes to years. It’s the same in recovery. That first day, the coin on the first month, then again at three months and six. Then it’s one year and 18 months. Finally, two years and the next milestone comes after a calendar year.

A first task for parents is getting that newborn into a routine, which gives something approaching a predictable routine. And recovery is no different.

Sitting in group at Cedars, the need for structure was emphasised. For many, it was a commitment to attending meetings as often as possible. Being the rebel, I rather dramatically said I’d rather shoot myself in the head than do that. I pronounced that I would be seeking balance – a meeting here, yoga there, a movie night out or dinner with friends. Ah, the halcyon days of pre-COVID.

That, of course, failed to materialize. I did attend meetings at first, even got my three-month chip which I carry every day and it doubles as a marker on the golf course. But Zoom wasn’t the same after hours on it for work, so I’m long overdue for an in-person and a few more chips.

Yoga became one of the cornerstones for the structure I needed, an opportunity each night to separate and focus on breath. As hokey as that sounds, it’s true. The routine provided balance off and on the mat.

The other foundation has been running, something I practiced before and that has become even more important. It’s the time when the basics are observed: movement and breath and covering ground. The simplest of tasks provide respite.

And that’s been one of the keys to getting through 24 months, especially during a pandemic. Shunting the world aside and allowing the focus to be on me and not the beeping of my phone.

But now we’re at the terrible twos, where the temptation is to push the limits, see what you are now capable of and confident you can handle it all. Plus, the world is slowly opening and life is becoming, thankfully, less solitary. It brings challenges though.

That’s why I’m approaching this milestone with some trepidation. This is not, by the by, a harbinger of some great shaker for my birthday. This is simply a way to not keep thoughts boxed up till they burst. My approach on this journey has been to deal with issues as they come up honestly. I’ve never said I’ll never drink again, as that seems like a set up for failure. Instead, I choose not to drink today.

Each day I check the Cedars app and the people who inspire the most aren’t the ones who have five years or 12 years, though that provides comfort. It’s those with the courage to notify their peers of a stumble and that they’re starting over that provide motivation.

So as the terrible twos begin, it’s with an openness that cockiness could lead to temptation; that coming this far doesn’t mean all the past problems have been solved. It’s opting to share my truth to be prepared to slay dragons as they come.

I’ll signoff with this: here’s to another 24.